My Teen Romantic Comedy...Sorta

So OK I know before I mentioned a bunch of stuff was going on and blah blah blah blah.

Well I guess I'll change it up a little and get a little more specific and talk about something I haven't really talked about much before to anyone:

愛. 사랑.love. 

Huh, how do I even start

Starting from childhood wouldn't be too bad I guess to start off with.

As a kid I never was really into girls, they never really I guess...interested me. There were kids kissin' girls and gettin' girlfriends. For me  I just enjoyed playing with friends and toys more, so I guess that sorta set me up for most of my middle school years. Playtime > Girls. Actually to be honest I guess I'm still sorta like that?? Who knows, I've never dated so I don't really know what it's like to prioritize relationships over other things I enjoy :P

I don't think I'd developed a crush til 7th grade? It was one of those stupid ones too. The type where you like the person but don't really have any reason, to be specific it was on a close family friend, Ashley. It was awkward transition-into-puberty-phase Brandon so yeah I didn't really know what to at the time and kinda just kept it to myself since I didn't talk to too many people during 7th grade anyways so I don't really count that one.


OK so I think it's 8th grade where I really developed an actual crush on somebody. >.<

So there's this girl Savannah. I guess I messed around with her in homeroom sometimes (I joked around with everyone I knew anyways) but I think it was her and my other friend Tristan who were in my 2x elective block. We'd joke around a bit and do dumb stuff and tease each-other for the stupid 8th graders we were.

Some of my friends had girlfriends and breaks up, but the 8th grade semi-formal dance was coming up. To add some background info in we were in the same Tech Education class during the 2nd semester of elective rotation and we talked to the same group of friends in the back of the class. We chatted a bit since we shared the same station and worked together so I guess it was a "build up" relationship where ya sorta spend time with the person and get a crush.

So ya, a lotta people probably don't know that I asked a girl out...once(hahaha and never again fml). This probably was and is the reason why I never really tried to ask out any girls the past few years, I think it really shot down my confidence getting rejected. I'm actually gonna gouge my eyes and ears out because it's so embarrassing and I actually die a little inside every time I think about it.

I made one of those super cheesy "why you should go out with me to X" PowerPoints and showed it to her while everyone was at some station. Looking back I wanted to die from embarrassment like the awkward 8th grader I was and I still do. I think she said it was cute I dunno rofl, but she told me she didn't want to since her friends were going through relationship stuff at the moment. It was understandable, so I accepted the fact that I got shot down and had a good 8th grade semi formal. I had fun with my guy friends anyways messing around so everything worked out in the end.

At least I didn't complain about the friendzone though. God, it annoys me when people bitch and complain about being "friendzoned". Good friendship  romantic relationship imo. There's no obligation going both ways. If you really are good friends and ya wanna move the relationship farther the outcome really shouldn't matter all too much (see farther down for a bit of relation).

Oh, I forgot the fact this was the first time dealing with stupid relationship drama. Now I'll really tell anyone what I think is going on with my love life and shit because I'm always paranoid it'll leak out somehow. I was so sure that my friends that I told wouldn't tell anybody, but ehhhh that was a bit idealistic of me. Guess if I don't tell anybody there's no way for anybody to find out.

 RIP confidence 2012-20XX. 



That's 8th grade, first real crush shot down, oh well time to visit all the other stuff.

(actually I'll finish this all tomorrow it's 2:22 AM on Dec. 30th and I wanna to be a S L E E P B O Y)



OK I'm awake. Why we had steak for brunch, I'll never know.

HIGH SCHOOL: YEARS 1-3

Freshman year, wadda year it was. When I look back I really just wanna slap the then Brandon right in the face for being an idiot, but oh well that's every year.

So it was the first year of CGS and everyone's still getting used to eachother and getting to know one another. Besides that I happened to get put in the same Art I class as Savannah. It was the wrong elective I wanted but I decided to stay cuz she was in that class x x. Now that I think about it though I met some new people in that class and talked to some people so it really wasn't that bad of a decision. I also really enjoy art now so go figure. I stayed for the girl but ended up with something even better than a crush, my love for art.


Wow I can't believe this was 2 years ago. Huh, where's all the time gone yo.

So we went to a caving field trip and being the awkward freshman we were nobody really wanted to talk to too many other people outside of the ones he/she knew from middle school.


I think I thought she was pretty cute, uh Kate that is. Like I said before I never really talked to girls that much at all, but since we're all nerdy CGS kids I thought, "Well they're all here and I'm here so I guess we're pretty similar". Everyone seemed friendly enough at the least.

I wanna check for sure how the first Facebook between us started, but I know one of the first few things I sent were stupid pokemon pick-up lines like wtf dude who does that. Whhyyyyyyyyyy (again I want to beat the old me silly for doing something so stupid).


One thing led to another and we both ended up staying up super late in Skype calls, I guess this counts as flirting? I don't even know dude I'm still terrible at taking hints and stuff like that, let alone knowing the difference between flirting and shit. Huh, I think I did have a crush on her then now that I look back to it. Crap I forgot about the thingy where I fell asleep on her on a bus. I'm actually kinda happy I can't find the photo for that, but yeaaaahh...then friends started to tease me a bit and kept on trying to get me to do something or ask her out if I remember correctly.

On an important personal note I actually really prefer girls with nice personalities, well people in general too. Personality is like 80% of what makes me like people. As we talked she seemed pretty open minded and into a few of the geeky things I was into. Nice, cute, and a bit crazy sometimes (a little crazy is good sometimes I think). So yeah those were the reasons why I was crushin' on her.

Earliest chatlog of us that Facebook could find :P

Maybe it was from my one single previous crappy experience with asking out a girl but I was a super nervous and awkward freshman so I guess I didn't have the guts to say anything. We'd gotten pretty close after all those late night Skype calls that continued through a bit of sophomore year but I never got the courage to ask. Low self esteem, nerves, pier pressure, blah blah blah. In the end she ended up dating another guy she knew, so I guess I missed my opportunity then to ask and see if I had a chance rather than not trying at all. Who knows what woulda ended up happening, but trying and failing seems better than never attempting anything at all.

Actually maybe it was a good thing that I never asked her out. 

Who woulda thought that that mighta been a good thing.

It sounds funky, but hey I got a really close friend out of it rather than a shaky high school relationship. I think I honestly prefer this way. Maybe I'm just doubting myself a bit too much. Having someone that you've known for a few years that you see on a regular basis at school and can talk to if ya need a talk actually helped me get through freshman and sophomore year so much. Looking back at our Facebook chat log messages between us took up 2/3 of my entire message log, so I guess we've talked quite a bit online. I always felt kinda bad though in class because I'd never try to talk much to her or sit next to her because I didn't wanna get teased by my friends any (I know I tease people about relationships a crapton too so I have no right to talk lol). 

Kinda sucks that I'm no longer in CGS and rarely getta see Kate and Junior year has us both really busy, but so it goes.

Post-freshman year I think I was still a bit indecisive about what I felt towards her, whether it was friendship love or love love. 

Sophomore year was the year that I actually gotta hang out with her a bit more since I helped out with her groups project and gotta watch Madoka Magica and Madoka: Rebellion together. It might have looked like I has maybe trying to make a move or something, but I guess I really wanted to just watch anime with friends, except there's noooooboooooddy I knew really well enough that would want to. So yeah finally some IRL bonding and time together kinda made my decision definite on how I felt (as much as my friend poked fun at me rofl).

I guess her dating one of my friends in my CGS class also kinda set things up for how it is now. It coulda been me in that situation about a year ago, but to me it seemed to late to really to make any moves. I'd honestly rather have someone I could talk to and not risk getting outa contact and fudging up a good relationship, and I feel like dating sometimes does that to people(I wouldn't know but it's what it looks like from an outsider's perspective).

To make up for having some sorta crush I guess I started liking an underclassman on my bus that also attended CGS, Jenai. She liked anime and games and was cute and had a decent attitude and personality from the impressions I got while talking to the freshman at lunch and on the bus.Being the idiot I am,  I was dumb and wanted to invite her to see Rebellion in theaters, which I was going with a group of friends and originally wanted Kate to come see. That plan failed miserably and I ended up just giving the tickets to a friend's friend. For Christmas I also got her a Hello Kitty hairclip but I never got any courage to message her, ask her out, etc. Same old, same old again.


So I kinda just gave up on any sorta relationship stuff in sophomore year after New Years. My grades were terrible and I didn't wanna put more pressure on myself by having to worry about relationship stuff.

Fast Forward To Now

I'm really in no rush. Ideally I'd like to pull my shit together before starting any sorta serious relationship. I'll just try to become a more respectable person, cuz right now I feel like garbage. Also I think I need to learn to like myself a bit more before I even begin to love someone, that's a given. Self-esteem wise I don't really have too much self confidence, and that's probably a result of the past couple years.

In general I don't really talk much to girls. I can't even differentiate the difference between a normal conversation and flirting. Good luck trying to get me to see any sorta hints, because I'm as clueless as as some shonen MC's when it comes to actually noticing stuff like that. To be completely honest I've never known for sure if someone's ever had a crush on me so there's always that curiosity that's been eating away at me.


I think the best thing I can do right now is just be me, try to stay in shape, keep my grades up, and not be an idiot for the time that I'm actually awake, and support everyone else along the way. Actually Junior/Senior Prom is coming up and that gives me a huge sense of dread knowing that I might have to actually ask someone to a dance, oh god kill me now (at least im never going to homecoming again or allowed to ask anyone to Snowball anymore). ㅠ ㅠ


I really wanted to make this longer and a bit more in depth but I needa study and do schoolwork, so yeah I guess that's a brief summary of my current and past love life. Yeah, yeah, make fun of me all ya want it is what it is, albeit a crappy one.



Anyways hopefully things'll get better in the future, maybe I'll make a post-prom post...if I even go.

Cheers to another year on this little rock of ours,

---Brandon

PS.

I actually don't mind being teased about relationship stuff at all, I just get super embarrassed and self conscious when it comes to relationship stuff. D: