Childhood's End

Huh I haven't used this old thing is a while, ah well.

Anyways it the message is in the title, which was inspired one of my favorite anime

movies, "Gurren Lagann the Movie -Childhood's End-".

The main protagonist of the show, Simon, goes through his ups and downs throughout his adventures throughout a desolate wasteland that used to be known as Earth while trying to overthrow the ruler of the land, the Spiral King. It's during one of his biggest battles yet when Simon realizes that he isn't the mopey kid in the corner anymore, but instead realizes his true potential as a leader and seizes it in time to save the day. 

That whole blob probably sounds really out of context and confusing, it probably even badly written by my English teacher's standards but I think its the image in my mind I use to compare to my current situation at hand. I think I've said time and time again that I've never wanted to grow up, but getting older and advancing through the trenches of high school I realized that its inevitable regardless of how hard I try unless I wanna be left in the dust. If only I'd realized sooner that I'd have to grow up, but it never meant I had to completely grow up. A friend told me once that, "There's a line between acting like a kid and acting immature and childish.", and that really struck me and grew onto me over the past year. 

I think it's pretty safe to say the past couple years have been total crap (not really but I'd like to think), and despite the fact that I've tried to recover again and again without success really brought me down to the point where I probably had/have some form of depression one way or another, but that's besides the point. Maybe the whole growing up transition into high school didn't go to well, and I really think it didn't. However it probably served some purpose in the grand scheme of things to come and go, but at the moment it feels like its getting better (sorta). Do I regret the past 2 years of my life? Not one bit, regardless of how bad I screwed up I met some great people along the way, but also grew farther apart from others. In the end I still think it was worth it, joining CGS and all the other things I love and hate. 

Now it seems I gotta turn a new leaf regardless of what I want to do (getting kicked out and all), but I think I know how to take the situation better than before. Previously I'd almost always try to run away from any situation that seemed unfavorable, and not speak up when I thought something wasn't right. I realized that I can't do that, and it was merely prolonging the issue or making it worse (fighting with parents, communication with friends, academic problems). It was a sudden realization that running away was only temporary and all my problems would eventually catch up to me anyways regardless of how fast or far I ran. When finally cornered and out of options, Simon decided instead of running away that he would finally fight it out, with his physical problems and emotional. So it dawned upon me that I can't really do much more right now in the corner than fight it out. With a poop GPA of roughly ~3.0, failing 2 classes this year, getting kicked from the tennis team, and numerous other problems they'd just continue to snowball if I didn't address them properly like I should have originally. 

Well I had all this crap leading up to my main point, which was the change part.

Not did I constantly ignore my problems but when I tried to address them at all it'd always end up with too much ambiguity for any reasonable chance of working. After being broken down and defeated multiple times I again thought it was time to do something with the big pile of debris that was my life and make use of need and meaning, with a clearer outlook of life and the future.

After 7th grade my shell of shyness finally cracked all the way and a new Brandon came out of it, for better and for worse. This newer me really helped me become more outgoing than ever before, only coming with the downside of being obnoxious and annoying (like most teenage boys(not using this as an excuse tho)). I think I let it run a little to rampant from 8th grade onwards, because looking back I really was an annoying asshole part of the time (sorry for the profanity I usually don't like it on posts) to my friends, family, and teachers. I could never really find a balance of the introversion and extroversion parts of me, including this year as well. I felt really ashamed of how I've acted, because looking back it probably annoyed a lot of people I knew and bothered friends and teachers being such a disruption in class.

To deal with this I think I gotta have a compromise between both sides of me, the extroverted excited and talkative Brandon and the quiet/studious/shy Brandon that's been kinda pushed aside for the most part. My AP Gov teacher taught us that when a good compromise is made neither side comes out happy, and I think I've found a method to balance out both. With the extroversion aspect I should definitely be more respectful and responsible for with my actions regardless of the situation at hand, not letting too much energy out at one. Along with that adding some tact onto a conversation would also be pretty beneficial in the long-run. On the flipside there's quiet Brandon who's gotten shoved aside a bit too much lately, totally getting disregarded in terms of studying and being well reserved (blame it on the horomones yo). I'd like to see my studious side come back out again and love of reading come out instead of constantly playing games in spare time, but also not be too shy in certain social situations like *cough* girls *cough*. Finding a balance between these two seems to be the key to success and growing up in the real world, and not the fantasies I've been dreaming up and about for far too long.

Time to face reality with all its glory and horror.

Cya later kid, it was fun