Complication

Hmmm...I never know how to start these out.

Anyways, it's been roughly almost 6 months since my last post. Time flies far too fast for me. One day I'm stuck in the middle of junior year, the next I'm almost out of school. Quite a lot has happened during these past 6 months and I guess I'll go into some of what happened, but I never know where to start off.

Grades

I'll get the crappy stuff outa the way first.

Well I really screwed myself over in terms of academics. My whole intention for dropping outa Governor's School was to get better grades at my home school. I think they're still better than what I would have gotten if I'd attended CGS this year, however they're nowhere near acceptable in terms of personal standards or quite frankly anyone's standards that I know. Maybe Josh was right and I shoulda just stayed in CGS. Too late for that though, senior year is practically right around the corner.

The 2nd grading period was an all time low for me. I went through a 2 week period of complete apathy for most of my classes and as a result it totally tanked all my class grades other than art. Speaking of art, it was probably my one saving grace of motivation and I guess it really always has been for some reason. Probably because I willingly do art work over any other class work.



Maybe my depression had a slight effect on my lack of motivation. Somewhere within that time frame I started seeing a counselor and it's helped a bit to organize my thoughts and have some external input since I don't really tell people much about what's going on. I don't wanna completely victimize myself with depression and say I was helpless, but it definitely didn't help. Things have definitively gotten better with my grades bouncing back, and as a result I think I've had some motivation come back. Best thing I think I should be doing right now is keep going forward and keep the good habits and throw out the bad ones. I just don't know if my self esteem is ever gonna recover from all amount of times it's gotten beaten up by my poor decision making.

Snowball

Nah, not the CGS dance that I attended (which was meh overall). My grades really did end up screwing me even in the short term. It was almost as bad as last year and getting kicked off of tennis because of my grades in CGS, but this time it was only for 1/3 of the season. That third of the season really hurt me in terms of play and experience. I completely blame myself for failing to follow through and practice as well as not realize the entire situation with my grades. The way I practiced and played was completely different and as a result I ended the season 1-3 and ended up not starting in the playoffs because I was too busy and sick the last week of challenges. Again I'm probably being harsh on myself but I feel like a complete idiot for messing up that bad. I think I'm also just bad at tennis and out of shape. Regardless, I don't even know if I'll be playing tennis next year or not at Massaponax or attending MHS next school year.


Speaking of next school year I'm still in a funky situation. Ideally I don't plan to attend Massaponax this coming school year. Honestly I hate high school. I love my friends and some of my teachers but it's just been a drag mentally and physically. If all goes according to plan I'll leave with an advanced diploma so it's not like I plan on dropping out or just getting a regular diploma. My GPA is gonna be at a crappy 3.0'ish average so that's a problem as well as my first SAT score only being in the 1600's.

I just don't feel like high school education is worth it anymore; the people, the classes, and some more. This year I doubled up on a foreign language and sciences so all I would need to take would be and English+History credit to receive a complete VA advanced diploma. Worst case scenario I'll probably end up having early release and attending the local community college for the next year while employed at a part time job. I'm just hoping my principal and parents see my situation and understand me. It definitely seems ambiguous and I don't really have the grades to prove myself in terms of responsibility. Maybe I'm just wanting to grow up and get into the real world to fast.

The biggest motivating factor I think is that I just want to move on and start fresh for a bit and to prove myself to be worth something again.

Connect 

eafeafaref4e relationship stuff T~T

Ok, so all this serious life stuff aside I have another topic to talk about that was from one of my previous blogs. First off, life is weird as heck. I guess I won't get into anything too specific and I've told people some about it already. Kissing is weird, especially making out, like especially as a first. Oh yeah, that happened kinda outa nowhere. Teenage hormones yo. I guess there's really not much to say about what happened. Cuddling led to kissing I guess. I know, I know, how the heck did Brandon out of all people get a kiss from a girl. Honestly I really don't know either I'm still kinda puzzled. But yeah, that happened. Growing up is weird and I don't like it ><

Leftovers

optional read

Well I guess all that I really have is about my anime and gaming habits as of recent.

The E-sports club I founded has been doing pretty well with our first official meeting about a month or two ago. There have been small meetings here and there and there's the 2nd official big meeting on Saturday for the club so there's that to look forward to. Managing and hosting a club is to chaotic and hectic but in the end it pays off seeing everything run smoothly in the end. I really should remember to set up a proper tourney format and rules this coming meeting thought, since the first time around there was no real set format and it was a bit too impromptu for my liking. If all goes according to plan maybe we'll even get to record some smash games if everything works out.

ayyyy lmao

In terms of Dota I really haven't been satisfied with my play lately. I think over the summer I'll definitely do some more 1v1 mid practices and replay analysis. Maybe it's cuz all the shit I've been going through these past few months or maybe I'm just a jerk but I needa be less negative and have a more positive outlook on in-game situations. Maybe it's the inevitable cynicism that gets to everybody who plays too much, but the plan is to get better mentally and mechanically. Maybe  in the future I'll have a stand alone Dota blog-post for future commentary and junk but for now this is really all I'll say about my big waste of a hobby.

Continuing World

Gotta move on

Well the last few months have been pretty funky fresh. I really wanted to go into more detail fo ra few things but I got work to do and sleep to get so this post is gonna end a bit shorter than the last few previous ones (is it shorter, idk?).

Overall I feel that I things have definitely gotten better overall from where I was a few months ago. Things could definitely be better or things could be a lot worse. Again, summer is the deciding factor for whatever happens next year and I'm sure I'll be able to pull something off knowing how I am.


Cya next post,

---Brandon