"Later, Buddy"

I thought it would be appropriate to post some sorta blog before the year ended, so here I am. Anyway, thinking of an appropriate title is probably one of the hardest parts about blog posts. My first thought was to call it, "A 2017 Q4 Update", but that made me feel like this was some kinda corporate shareholder update, and I didn't really see myself as an economic investment. So instead, I chose an episode title as the name of this post. Hope I can finish this before I have to leave for that New Year's service thing ~

A Shot at Something Different

At the end of summer I was still unsure what major I wanted to persue. With that in mind I decided that is was a decent opportunity to take a semester off from school and give pro gaming a shot. It sounds pretty ambitious, and it was. However, with how far invested I already in the game I decided I might as well try. I'm pretty sure a large part of my motivation came from just coming back from The International 7 in Seattle. 

This past summer I spent a large part of summer in Richmond wasn't because I was taking summer classes, it was because I wanted to continue to practice Dota on my own and see how far I could get. I guess one of the happiest moments during summer break was when I was finally able to face Febby-hyung in a public match-making game. That was probably also another motivating factor for my pro-gaming attempt. It felt pretty surreal to finally play with someone that I'd looked up to all these years and I wanted more.  

Playing with pros in pub games was basically like sneaking into a game of street ball where you have Stephne Curry+Lebron James on your team while the opposing team has Kobe Bryant+Kevin Durrant. It was always humbling and a great learning experience being able to play alongside players that I'd watched during my highschool and middle school years. Looking back, I guess I'd come pretty far from my callibration of the Silver/Gold league equivalent in my early teens all the way to Masters/Grandmaster or Challenger'ish. At the very least I can look back and say I made it sorta far. I think it's nothing to really brag about, but I can at least hold as a personal acheivement and look back at it as something that I put effort into. 

Transition

I hit my peak probably around 7100 MMR during sometime in late September/early October'ish. At the very least that was one of my goals that I'd set and am happy that I was able to at least acheive that. Even though I reached like top 100 North America, I still felt pretty lost in a competitive sense. Pub games are completely different from competitive Dota, almost a entirely new game. The appropriate amounts of coordination, concentration, and overall strategy that are neccessary for a successful competitive experience are what I felt that I lacked in an overall sense. Maybe it's because I didn't try in that sense. I was on a a few teams and stood in a few times as well and I was never really able grasp how to consistantly draft a winning lineup or command my team effectively. 

On top strategy and mental stuff,  I felt like I never played well enough in public games to get noticed by any pros and receive any good rep. Usually the newblood that plays well will get noticed and picked up or befriend pros that are better than them so that they can grow as a player and reach that competitive level, but that wasn't really the case for me. From a mechanical standpoint I feel like was also pretty underwhelming and for position 4 that's something that I feel a player really needs. 

I wasn't ever really able to find a team that was able to scrim consistantly and I felt like that really hurt me in a growth sense. It wasn't that I even wanted to win qualifiers/tournaments, I just wanted to practice competitively everyday. This lack of competitive practice eventually led to me playing less less overall everyday. Maybe I was tired from the stale meta, maybe I was just burnt out overall, but I was no longer playing 8-12 games a day. It could've been because I started talking and hanging out with a certain friend, but I'm pretty sure it a combination of factors. Looking back, if I was truely motivated I would've still kept going at my 8 hour gaming grinds, but it looks like my priorities were elsewhere, for better or for worse. 

After I started dating my motivation was pretty non-existant. It felt really weird at first. This game that I had loved and put so much time and effort into for the past few years was now just a side thought. Looking back, I wonder how things would've turned out if I continued practicing the amount I did during my peak of grinding, maybe my resolve to commit was and is still too lacking. However, I was finally able to love something more than Dota? I told myself that if that ever happened I would most likely quit. 

For now it looks like I'll be taking a Dota break and going back to school to persue a degree in teaching (elementary/middle school most likely). I'd thought about persuing competitive Dota further, but in the longterm I don't know how viable of a career Dota is for even a tier 2 player. Maybe eventually I'll come back to the game and try making YouTube/Twitch content in the future, but for now I'm gonna take a well needed break of at least a month from the game til' around the end of January to focus on school and other priorities.

For now this is goodbye to Dota 2

Later, Buddy